John Linton
Some time in the early 1990s that line, which has stayed in my mind ever since, was spoken in a Las Vegas 'show room' by a comedian I'd never heard of at the time called Dennis Miller. He was the back up act to a much better known, at that time, female comedian called Rita Rudner whom Annette had wanted to see.
Unusually Dennis Miller, the back up act, was on second instead of the usual format of providing an 'audience warm up' for the main act. It soon became apparent why - he was far, far funnier than Ms Rudner - it was like being in a bar and the guy next to you, who had perhaps one more than was sensible, starting to comment on the news program on the TV screen in a very un-politically correct, but very funny, way:
Sample Ms Rudner:
www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Rita_Rudner/
Sample Mr Miller:
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/d/dennis_miller.html
Anyway....the line 'jumped in to my mind' as I was walking back to the office from a lunch yesterday for no reason I can think of other then I was mulling over what could be done by Exetel in the coming year to improve the working day of all Exetel personnel and the end user service experience of Exetel's different types of customers and was thinking whether any thing that had been discussed over the previous hour and a half would contribute to that. On balance, I decided it wouldn't although some of the things discussed were very positive.
As I struggled, mentally, to try and find a relationship between my pleasant reverie and that brutal phrase it occurred to me that my sub-conscious (maybe that should be semi conscious?) mind had, in the strange ways those parts of the human mind do these things, 'leapt' to the obvious conclusion that life would be much more pleasant without certain types of customers - or that's what my 'conscious' mind decided what the link was. It is also true that some customers (of any supplier, seem to believe that their slightest problem (either real or perceived) entitles them to use the most inappropriate and foul mouthed language in their contacts with their suppliers. This causes significant problems for the people who are abused and for the companies who employ people who are subjected to abuse.
It's certainly true that some customers, in any business in any part of the world, just aren't worth having. This percentage varies by business and by business 'attitude' and it would be impossible to really define what it might be but it would be somewhere between 1% and 3% I would have thought based on the various comments I have seen over the years. They aren't worth having and clearly they don't like being supplied by the company they are unhappy with and, as far as I can see, they would be better off going to another supplier who, presumably, won't make them so unhappy that they believe their only recourse is gutter language delivered at the top of their voices.
So in Exetel's case that would mean that some 600 to 1,800 of our current customers aren't worth having and cost us more/far more than we make in 'profit' from providing them with services. In a good month we make an average of approximately $1.00 net profit per customer (after all expenses), sometimes less/sometimes a little more, so it isn't hard to see that it's pretty easy to have money losing customers.
There also seems to be a correlation between customers who lose you money and their level of unhappiness (and how they express their unhappiness). So money losing customers almost invariably are the customers who make the most fuss and use the most inappropriate language to the Exetel personnel with whom they interact and therefore make life unpleasant for the personnel involved when that occurs as well as making them more unhappy when their abusive language only results in the telephone call being terminated in mid-tirade.
"Cull the herd" - sensible advice, Dennis - and thank you for such an enjoyable hour of your time and such valuable, long lasting, advice.
How that could be done, in the event it can be done at all, is something that didn't immediately spring to my mind but with some sensible analysis maybe some determinations can be made. It seems that an obvious 'initiative' would be to advise those customers who have used expletive ridden tirades towards Exetel personnel to find another provider once Exetel's legal obligations to them have contractually expired. I'm sure, with some sensible consideration, other categories will become clear.
I wonder if by 'losing' 600 customers life would be more pleasant in 2008 - both for the customers who express their unhappiness in such inappropriate ways and for the support and other staff who are on the receiving end of their abusive tirades?
It would in fact be a true kindness to ensure that these, very few, people who are so unhappy with such a trivial aspect of their lives (an internet service) are helped to put an end to their misery by forcing them to take the one action that will solve all their problems - moving to another ISP of their choice and getting the perfect service that they have been at such pains to point out to Exetel isn't being delivered to them by Exetel and endangering their health by working themselves up in to a wild frenzy of anger and bitter vituperation.
A bit like a vet being forced to put down an animal who has so badly been injured no vet can fix the problem.
Meanwhile the other tens of thousands of Exetel users who apparently don't find the exact same service so unusable and anger producing will be able to continue to use the service without being made to pay the additional costs caused by such people.
WIN - WIN - WIN for everyone concerned....and a sensible way of 'protecting' nice support people from being subjected to the total cr** that some unhappy customers seem to believe it is their "right" to subject people they've never met to. Surely someone so unhappy that they become incredibly abusive would see the simple solution of moving to another provider?
....now where did I hide that Ruger?