John Linton
......but it sure don't look like Kansas (the Australian Communications Industry As We Knew It).
A little while ago, and I can't exactly remember who said it (I'll guess at an American comedian) or exactly how it went, but:
"You know the world's gone crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is black, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the Ameica's cup, Germany doesn't want to start a war, the French are accusing everyone else of being arrogant and the three most powerful men in America are called Bush, Dick and Colon."
I'm getting that feeling more and more often these days and I don't think ongoing bewilderment is a condition that is looked for in someone holding some minor position that requires some sort of decision making.
In the first two days of this week I've had contacts from a number of people, some of whom I've never heard of before apparently making the following propositions:
1) From a company about whom I've only shown total contempt - "Hi John (this from a person I've never heard of and who clearly doesn't know me) I'm calling to see if you'd like to buy services from us" - this was a call on my private mobile phone number.
[Yes, sure, all is forgiven and I'd love to risk Exetel's future dealing with a completely stupid and inept company like yours]
2) From a company whom I've never heard from and have no expectation of ever talking to - "Is that John Linton? This is YYY from XXX and I hear Exetel is on the market and we would like to make you an offer which we are sure you'll accept" - another call on my mobile phone - again from a person who I have no idea how he could have got the number.
[I must be really easy to 'read' if anyone knows such a thing - even those very intimately involved in Exetel]
3) From a supplier "Mr Linton (points for not p***ing me off from the get go) we were wondering if you could pay your July bill (not usually received till early August) by 20th June as we need to close our end of year accounts."
[No problem, I always pay two months in advance to companies that clearly have financial problems - I did that once - anyone remember Compass Airlines?]
4) From a large supplier not noted for its pricing flexibility - by email - "Please let us know what pricing you would like to ensure that you could sell more of XXX services".
[You want Exetel to tell you what price we want to pay? Sorry - just for a moment I was suffering from dyslexia]
5) From another large supplier "Sorry about the recent problems but what can we do in terms of pricing and any other assistance to continue doing business with Exetel."
[ An account manager change isn't going to fix your company's endemic and unacceptable problems]
6) From a 'competitor's CFO - "You don't know me Mr Linton (correct on both counts) but I've heard it on the grapevine (and he didn't sound a bit like Marvin Gaye) that you might be in some financial trouble and I'm just calling to let you know we would be happy to assist in any way we could."
[ .....and pigs can fly at the speed of sound]
7) From a Canberra politician's office (not Labor) - "Mr Linton, I'm ZZZ from XXX's office and YYYY has recommended you very highly as being deeply knowledgable about data communications and we would like you, if you could spare the time, to join a meeting (date named) to discuss with XXX what should be done regarding the current FTTN tender.
[Sure - I have so little to do with my empty days I can waste one them in Canberra 2 or 3 times a month over the next few months]
and the one I liked most of all:
8. From my favourite media person - "Hello John, you might remember me from XXX, it's YYY. My editor's been reading your blog and would like to talk to you about maybe writing for us on a bi-weekly basis on your views on the telecommunications industry and the politics affecting it.
[When I was 17 years old my second career choice was journalism but it's far too late for me to be paid a journo's casual rates now]
I wish I could actually put the names and organisations to the above quotes to make it truly clear how insane the tiny part of the world Exetel 'inhabits' has become but perhaps you can get the general idea.
In between these mind jolting interruptions i've been trying to make some sensible changes to Exetel's service offfering prices but somehow I haven't been able to concentrate sufficiently as I have a nagging feeling that things are changing in the comms marketplaces and in the companies with whom we compete that I know nothing about - but should.
Perhaps the most obvious change is about to happen and it's 'hovering' just beyond my peripheral vision as I keep getting 'almost' insights in to a sea change in ADSL pricing which I can't quite put my finger on. It's got something to do with Telstra Retail 'butchering' their own ADSL1 base (as well as other ISPs) in their increasingly frantic efforts to move as many users as possible to their ADSL2 'bundles' on long term (two year) contracts but I just can't figure it out. While their predatory tactics are certainly hurting Exetel, and I can only assume other ISPs with ADSL1 customers on those 900 exchanges) it must also be damaging Telstra's own revenues (and cash flows no matter how huge those are) - most of the ADSL1 customers on those exchanges would be BigPond customers - unless of course they're simply directly approaching other ISP's users and hoping their own users don't notice what's being offered to others?
Whatever my mis-imaginings may be - and I freely admit I'm very tired and looking forward to a holiday - there are very definitely things going on that are making a lot of people re-evaluate their current positions.